The OneNight Stand
by Fettkat
Summary: MAJOR HUMOUR ALERT! Ok, you guys have got to read this! AND REVIEW! I mean, I wrote it, and I died laughing! Playboy Ben Skywalker is in trouble. Is his little cousin Allana going to help him... or make it worse? Starring Ben, Allana, Leia, Han, Jaina and Jag. I think I'm secretly trying to turn Star Wars into a sit-com!


Jaina Solo Fel's comlink buzzed repeatedly, rousing her unceremoniously in the middle of the night. She laboriously untangled herself from her husband's embrace, careful so as not to wake him in the process, and snatched up the still twittering device, tiptoeing into the refresher to take the call in private.

"What is the matter with you, you nerf?!" she snapped into it.  
"Do you have any idea what time it is?!"

Her cousin's voice at the other end was an urgent whisper.  
"Jen, I need your help. Where are you? Are you at Aunt Leia's?"

Jaina blew out a sigh of exasperation.  
"No! I'm at home! With my husband! I'm _married_, remember?!"

"Oh. Right."  
Ben Skywalker's voice sounded a little sheepish, but only a little.

"Why? What's up with you?"

"I kind of need a place to crash for the night."

Jaina's incredulity only grew. She rubbed her eyes.  
"Why can't you just go home? Is Uncle Luke ok?"

"I can't go home this late, stupid! Do you have any idea what time it is?! Dad'd thrash me!"

Jaina bit back a rather colourful expression she had once picked up from her father and used a Force technique to keep herself calm.  
"What have you been doing this late anyway?"

There was a brief pause on the other end which told her all she needed to know.  
"You had sex, didn't you?" she sighed resignedly.

"Ummm... well, yeah, kind of..."

Jaina raised her eyebrows in the dark, curious despite herself.  
"Kind of?"

"Well, ok. Four times. And it wasn't just the sex-"

"Whoa! Ok, waaaay too much information, little bro!"

"So can I come over to your place?"  
Ben's voice was oddly wheedling. Jaina was stunned.

"What?! No! Jag would freak! You know how he views these kinds of... escapades!"

"Oh. Yeah. I forgot."

"Sorry, little bro," Jaina had felt a flash of confusion from her still-groggy husband in the Force which meant that he had been alerted to her absence. She had to hurry.  
"You're on your own tonight. Why don't you try the Temple?"

"Right!" Her cousin's voice dripped with sarcasm.  
"Like nobody's going to figure what a Jedi turning up at_ this _hour means! You're so the brains, sweetheart!"

"Well then you figure it out for yourself! You're a Jedi Knight now! I've got to go. I think Jag's woken up."  
She hastily switched off her comlink just as a bleary-eyed, tousled head poked itself round the 'fresher door.

"Honey? What's going on? Who were you on the comlink with?"

"No one!" Jaina's bright smile was so plastic, it didn't even require Jag's full concentration to see through it. Suddenly he was fully awake.

"Then what are you doing in the 'fresher with it? I heard you talking... Jaina, is-is everything all right?"

Jaina sighed. Jagged Fel may once have been the most powerful man in the Empire, but even he could get nervous if he found his wife sneaking off in the middle of the night to take secretive comlink calls.

_Great!_ she thought, _Now my dear husband thinks I'm the one having an affair when it's my little brother getting all the action!_

Ben Skywalker sat in his speeder in an empty parking zone, biting his lip and tapping his fingers nervously. If he entered home at this time of the night, he was sure his dad would sense him and would instantly suspect he'd been out on a one-night stand again. Which he had, but which surely the dad didn't need to know about. He just wanted someplace to lay low for a while so he could go home in the morning, claiming legitimate business which had kept him away for the entire night. Now, the best place he knew was his Aunt Leia's where she had a spare bedroom he could sleep in for what was left of the night. Trouble was, he needed someone to let him in. He couldn't call his Uncle Han because he would be little better than his dad and then Aunt Leia would get to know and she would be even worse than his dad! Jaina would have come in handy had she still been living there. Just his luck that she'd had to get married and move out.  
And then a thought struck him and he sat up a little straighter in his seat. There was somebody there he might just be able to trust.

Anji the nexu pricked her ears at the faint buzzing coming from the direction of the dresser drawer. Quills raised in suspicion, she rose and walked towards it on soft paws. She knew that that was where an emergency comlink was stored, one that had been given to her mistress by her grandparents to use ONLY in case of an emergency. Well, it was buzzing now. That must mean it was an emergency. She walked back towards the bed where her mistress was still sleeping, oblivious to the cares of the galaxy, and jumped on top of her with a light bound, nuzzling and purring in an attempt to wake her up.

Allana Solo had been having an exciting dream, in which she had been riding a huge rancor fearlessly to conquer a palace made of ryshcate and had defeated the crazy lightsaber-whirling Sith Lord who guarded it with a well-timed blaster bolt to the chest, when she felt Anji's rough tongue lapping against her cheek and was forced to wake to push her off.

"Anji!" Allana was annoyed at having been woken from such a thrilling dream.  
"What is it now, girl?"

Anji mewled and padded over to her dresser, scratching at it's synthwood panelling. Allana jumped off her bed with a frown. She heard the emergency comlink buzzing and wondered who it could be. She could sense her grandparents still fast asleep in their bedroom and only family had its frequency code. Her heart hammering in her chest, she picked it up.

"Hello?"

"Allana you git! Have you any idea how long I've been comming you?! Whaddya sleep like a Hutt?!"

"Ben?" she frowned in confusion at her cousin's voice. Was he in trouble?  
"Are you in trouble? Why are you comming on my emergency frequency?"

"Because this is an emergency! And I didn't want Uncle Han or Aunt Leia to know. I need you to come out really quietly and let me in. Can you do that?"

Allana was growing more confused by the second.  
"Wait, you want to come here? Why can't you just go home?"

She heard muttering indicating that Ben was clearly having difficulty keeping his cool.

"Because if you take a look at the time and have a fairly good idea of your great-uncle's secret temper, especially when it comes to me, you'll realize that if I go home now, you might never see me again. You don't want _that _to happen, now do you?"

Allana was still uncertain.  
"What have you been doing so late anyway?"

"Well, uh... that's ummmm... really not something you need to be concerned about."

Allana's eyes narrowed, her interest growing.  
"I'm not going to open the door unless you tell me what's going on," she said firmly.  
Her Grandpa would be proud of the way she'd just called her older cousin's bluff!

On the other side of the link she heard muffled sounds that sounded a bit like some of the words her Grandma was always telling her she should never use.  
"I can't believe you're holding out on me, 'Lana! I thought we had a deal!"

"Yeah, we have a deal now. You tell me what you were doing, and I let you in."

More muffled swearing. Allana smirked. She decided she distinctly enjoyed having her cousin at a disadvantage. It was fun!

"All right... I was... with a girl."

"A _girl_?! Is she your girlfriend?"  
Allana was super-excited to hear such scandalous news.

"Hey! We have a deal remember? I just told you what I was doing. Now come down and open the door, you traitorous little gundark!"

Allana grinned.  
"Ok ok! Don't get overheated! I'm coming."

Quietly she opened her bedroom door and tip-toed out, laying a finger on her lips to silence Anji who faithfully followed her on silent paws.

Ben Skywalker stood outside and glared at her as she palmed the access pad.

"Took you long enough!" he rebuked, in a harsh whisper.

Allana took in her cousin's appearance with the trademark Solo smirk playing on her features as they made their way secretly down the hall.

His naturally unruly red-gold mop was even more tousled than usual, and his clothing was rumpled. He was not in his Jedi robes, or even his customary black tunic, but in a shirt, trousers and a spacer's flight jacket. She noticed an epaulette hanging loose from his shoulder as if someone had yanked its button off in a terrible hurry and caught the faint whiff of a cloying perfume that no one in all the civilized systems of the galaxy would be willing to attribute to a man.

Ben found the spare bedroom, let himself in and collapsed on the bed with a huge sigh of relief.

"Thanks, cuz," he admitted finally, rubbing at a sore spot on his neck that had turned an alarming shade of red.

Allana didn't seem willing to leave in too much of a hurry and closed the door behind her as she came and sat on the bed.

Ben regarded her warily.  
"Well? Shouldn't you be going back to bed? Little Hapan princesses do need their beauty sleep."

Allana shrugged.  
"I'm not sleepy anymore. Besides, I want to hear about your girlfriend."

Ben's eyes widened.  
"_Girlfriend_?! Who said anything about a _girlfriend_?!"

Allana looked puzzled.  
"But you said you were with a girl. Who was she then?"

Her older cousin looked distinctly uncomfortable.  
"Oh, she- she was just a girl I met... we're friends, actually... or we were... Sheesh! This is too complicated. Look Allana, you don't need to know about this now, a'right? You'll understand it when you get older..."

He frowned to himself, realizing he really didn't want something like this happening to his baby sister even when she did get older.  
"Forget about it, ok? I kinda got a little drunk and did some stupid things."

Allana's eyes grew round.  
"You got drunk?"

Ben felt his collar heating up, making him even more uncomfortable than he already was.

"But Grandma says it's very,very bad to get drunk! She doesn't even let Grandpa do it!"

"Yeah... well, she's right. I've been a very,very bad boy. But I'm not going to do it again and I'd really appreciate it if you don't breathe a word about this to her or Grandpa, ok? Can I count on you for this?"

"But they'll know all about it when they find you here in the morning anyway," she pointed out.

Now it was Ben's turn to smirk at her.  
"Not if I'm not around for them to find! I'll be leaving before either of them wake up. And you're going to be keeping your lips zipped, right? This will be just our little secret. Deal?"

Allana considered for a moment and then nodded reluctantly.  
"Deal."

Ben smiled at her before gently shooing her out of the room.  
"Now scoot. You too, Anji. I'll be needing what little shut-eye I can get tonight."

Leia Organa Solo woke a little earlier than usual. Something was telling her all was not right within the household. She slipped out of bed, Han still snoring like a turbosaw beside her, and walked towards the refresher. But a little flicker at the edge of her Force-sense made her turn around, just in time to catch a glimpse of a figure attempting to make an escape through the front door.

"Ben Skywalker! Hold it right there!"

The culprit froze in mid-step, his insides turning into carbonite the moment he heard that tone in his aunt's voice. As he turned slowly, his face colouring to match the shade of his hair, he realized too late just why she had once held the title of "Ice Princess". Even though she'd just risen from sleep, the hauteur in her regal bearing was intact and her lips, pursed in a thin white line, combined with the piercing set of her eyes, made her only nephew squirm as though he was locked in range of the Death Star

"Hey, Aunt Leia," he attempted weakly.  
"You look lovely this morning. Has anyone ever told you that pale pink is your colour? It suits you down to the ground!"

His aunt's eyes narrowed, and if possible, she looked even more terrifying. When she spoke, her voice was soft as shimmersilk, yet lethal as a vibroblade.  
"You forget I'm married to the man who taught you that technique. It's not going to get you out of this one, I'm afraid."  
She came directly to the point.  
"When and how did you get into our apartment?"

Ben opened and closed his mouth wordlessly, trying to think fast. If he spilled, Allana could get into trouble and he was grateful to his little cousin for having let him in last night.  
"Uhhhh..."

Leia contemplated this response, then hollered down the hallway.  
"Allana Djo Solo! I want you out here this instant!"

Ben flinched, caught like a mynock in a trap.

Allana came running out of her room, Anji close on her heels as another bleary eyed figure also stumbled out of the main bedroom, having been roused by all the commotion.

"Leia, what in nine Corellian hells are you yelling ab- What's he doing here?"

Han had absolutely no clue as to what might have been going on. He stepped out to find his nephew cowering before his wife, herself the image of cold fury.

"Perhaps you should ask him yourself."

Han swivelled to take in the figure of his nephew and his eyes widened in surprise.  
"What are you doing here?"

"Uhhh..."

Allana, seeing her grandparents none too pleased with the turn of events, bravely decided to step in.  
"Ben came last night, Grandma. When you and Grandpa were asleep. I let him in."

Leia turned to regard her granddaughter sharply.  
"You let him in?"

"Y-Yes, Grandma." Allana sidled closer to her grandfather, not liking the look in her grandmother's eye.

"Why didn't you wake us first? You know it might easily have been someone pretending to be Ben."

Allana blanched, feeling as trapped as her cousin. She swallowed nervously, exchanging a glance with her equally beleagured brother.  
"He- he called on the emergency comm, Grandma," she ventured timidly.  
"You said only family has that frequency..."

Ben was close to saying his last prayers. Han's astonished gaze was swivelling between the two youngest members of his family. He had taken in Ben's situation in a glance and didn't need to be told what he might have been upto. He knew that he had found himself in a similar situation one time too many. He found himself feeling oddly sorry that his nephew took so closely after him instead of his own father.

Leia had made up her mind.  
"I am calling your father right now. He needs to know about this."

All the colour drained out from Ben's face when he heard this.  
"No! Aunt Leia, please! Don't- don't call Dad. He'll kill me!"

"Well, I certainly don't expect him to take this sort of behaviour from his son lying down!"

"I'm sorry, Aunt Leia! Please! Don't tell on me! I- It'll- it'll never happen again!"  
Ben was almost ready to fall to his knees and beg.

Leia stepped up to him until they were separated by the barest of centimetres.  
"Young man, I have never been more ashamed of you in my life! And to think you dragged Allana into this! I would have thought you'd have a little more sense!"

Ben swallowed the humiliation, wincing under his aunt's frightening gaze.  
"Y-You're right, Aunt Leia. Whatever you say. I'm most awfully sorry. Just- just please don't tell Dad! I'll never ever pull something like this again! Jedi honour!"

Leia continued to fume down at her nephew for a few seconds more, making sure the lesson remained ingrained in his memory, then turned abruptly on her heel and marched back towards her bedroom. The three remaining members exchanged puzzled glances mutely. Han slid towards his nephew and whispered furiously in his ear,  
"You hooked up with a girl and then you came _here_?! Of all places?! Have I taught you_ nothing_?!"  
Ben looked at him apologetically, but he quickly pulled away as he heard his wife's footsteps marching back towards them.

Leia threw a towel which caught Ben smack in the face. She addressed him, hands on her hips, in a voice that brooked absolutely no dissent.  
"I won't have you leaving without a complete sanisteam. Get yourself in there and scrub down. Reeking of alcohol, my word! If your mother had ever caught you like this, I have no doubt you would have got the hiding of your life! And really, Ben! What harlot has such terrible taste in fragrances?! Just this once I'm sparing you from your father, young man. And don't you forget it! If I ever catch you like this _EVER_ again, I promise you, you're going to find out what the son of Vader is truly capabe of!"

Leia's voice faded slowly as she literally marched her poor nephew by the ear down the hall to the refresher. Allana and her grandfather stood as far in the background as possible until she had disappeared, then the little girl looked up, tugging at her Grandpa's sleeve.  
"Grandpa? What happens when a guy gets drunk and meets with a girl in the night?"

Han Solo inwardly winced, glancing ruefully down the way his wife and his nephew had taken thinking to himself,  
_Stang, Ben! You have __**got**__ to get some friends your own age!"_


End file.
